A little piece of heaven

Okay, so I finally decide to update something after my hiatus of two months. Or was it because I was plain lazy to update?

Anyway, if I've never mentioned before, there is a new criteria to move up to secondary five, which EMB3, English, Maths, best 3 subjects and all below 19 points. You do the math. Sadly, my batch is the first year to have this criteria as compared to last's year's batch which was L1B2. Language and best 2 subjects below ten points. Anyone could scrape through really.

I would probably get above B3 and above for my other subjects. I'm a mathematician, a fabricated my own formulas for both my math papers, smart, ain't I? I definitely would not make it to sec 5. Wishful thinking on my part.
I mean, ITE would be fun, right? And so would Shatec. I don't know. I'm free from my exams, I'm going to have fun.

I'm not going to think about how I did, I certainly cannot turn back the clock. And even if I don't do well, I'm not going to cry, because this is what I brought upon myself. No use crying over spilled milk.

I haven't been reading the FML page, which shows how long I haven't been updating my LJ page. My N levels are seven days away, the only thing I'm worried about is the Social Studies paper, English I'll be doing fine, Chinese is beyond redemption and all God given hope. (:
I bought something online but I think it's lost in the mail. I havent gotten it and it's been five days since she posted out. Dang, I've never lost mail before, this is a first and is, on a large scale pissing me off.

I was at the traffic police with Audi yesterday to make the statement and report, took very long.

To begin with, I have had no time,  I've been studying ( if you choose to believe me ), and I just havent' had enough time to update this. I haven't even had time to read FML, which I am a die hard fan of. I faired well for my prelims, got top for D&T, physics and chemistry. Kudos carmel, this had never happened. I guess I've made an effort to do something. My maths, a compulsory requirement to up to sec 5, isn't doing all that well. I'm not miserably failing, but failing borderline. I know I can pass and I know i will, but I am becoming very complacent, I can't emphasize how much. I need to wake up now. It's only 19 days away. I have no idea what I am currently up to.

Okay my N levels are about a month away. Literally. I am not afraid, not because I am confident, but because I care no more.
I am tired of trying so hard. And I have not been doing my 'hiatus' very well either. I just feel as if i am on the verge of giving up.
I had three papers today. Chemistry, Physics and D&T at O level. D&T was tough, but was able to do it.
I've been sick for the past month, and its recurring. When I just am about to get better, something else hits me. Like a cough, a sore throat, a flu. It's terrible, I never seem to rocover, sometimes I think I am going to die because of such a weak immune system.

I've never seen Bryan for about a week now. And it pains to know that he has so much work and no time even for him to cut his hair when it is growing unkempt. It hurts to be so far away from him. We still do talk, but it is so emotionally draining to not be in close proximity with him.
I just miss him.

Saturday morning ttattoo, Sunday night fun fun fun!

I had my math prelim paper one today, which i know I am doing so badly for.
I didn't study, I didn't prepare for anything. I know I am being complacent that this is only the prelims.
I still can't get myself to focus, or wake up for that matter.
I am currently digging my own grave. I need help, now.

I am so lazy to type anything now.

He makes me fall so deeply in love till I'm afraid. I'm afraid that after I fall so hard for him, I end up getting hurt.
When so much trust is forged by one party, when so much love is fostered. Its treachery when one's heart is broken.
If another party cheats so heavily on the other, hurt then becomes inevitable.

But I am scaring myself by thinking such bogus thoughts. (though) It's not wrong to mentally prepare myself, because whenever I think the right one has come my way, to make my life a better place, a bigger space to love, it turns out for the worst.

No, I shouldn't be thinking of such things, I'm just so scared. But I love him with all my heart. I hope he does too.
I wouldnt mind living my life solely based on loving you. Because you make my day so bright, you make me look forward to waking up the next day, so i know there will be a longer time spent with you.

cos I love you bryanboy.

Ever since I had my gastric attack, I've been so hungry. I get hungry within intervals of one hour and why? Because the gastric juices 'eat' or digest my food a bit too quick. And I get so hungry its almost a repeated gastric attack. Sigh.
Anyway, I'm going to get another tattoo on the 8th August.

I went to vivo to watch Harry Potter and the half blood prince with Bryan and friends. Movie was at 2330 hours. We both are still sick, and aren't doing anything to prevent it from getting worse.

Summing up the movie, it was quite scary. I never thought that any of the previous Harry Potters' were scary, but this really was. I was jumping in my seat half the time. It was also  a major disappointment (according to Bryan), the movie skipped so many parts and there was definitely less action than the previous. Even if there was, it was minimal.
I didn't like it, partly cos I kept getting shocked and it didnt have that much substance.

Ended around 0230, waited for cab, then cupcake sent me home (:

 

First, I have a tad too much to drink and I get a 48 hour hangover that almost kills my insides.
Then I gat a bad cough, flu, and a fever along with that.

Today, i had cereal for breakfast and cereal never sustains me enough for the next three hours. I didnt eat during recess [no im not dieting]
and had to wait till 1230 hours before i could sink my teeth into something. I was very famished. I managed to get something to eat already, but the gastric juices had already kicked in. It was terrible, I couldnt even walk and I informed my form teacher, the immortal Mr Wee, and he gave me money to take a cab back, Sudiana and Faizah followed me. I couldnt even move properly. Again, I almost died because of excruciating pain.

Am I always this vulnerable to illnesses?

Nail biting. Can't fucking break that damned habit.

How about a new ink.
 

 

" I'm so in love with you.
In everyway possible.
And everytime i look at you,
you make me smile just like a fool.

And I know it's got to be you, boy.
And how those feelings surge me through.
Cos I know that you're the one for me now.
I cant explain how true.

Been thinking for so long
and to fall in love with you
over and over in again
makes me glad as it is you.

And I can't go about any day
without thinking of you
This feeling cant be more right
Just knowing i have you.

And I know it's got to be you, boy.
And how those feelings surge me through.
Cos I know that you're the one for me now.
I cant explain how true.

But am i the one you love?
Has someone already took your heart?
I don't know.

And you know i love you boy
I hope you do too
Because I'd love to spend my life with you.
To fall in love again, once again."
bryanboy<3


I still cannot accept the fact that Michael Jackson is dead. I am totally denying that he is dead. I cannot come to terms that he is gone. I still feel that he's alive, still youthful and kicking. I won't come to terms. His soul will live.
And Michael, I love you with all my heart, I grew up with your music, your legacy will live within me.
Rest in peace dear love.
 

HAH! I won a Haiku competition in primary school. That was like about 6 years ago. And i still remember it very fresh.
Well for those that don't know what a haiku is, its a short poem ( not requiring to rhyme ) that has three lines.
The first line consisting of 5 syllables, the next of 7, and the last of 5 again.

My primary school one went like this

-Multiplication
-It is hard to remember
-It cracks my brains, Boom!

Now how cute was that! Did it with my then bestfriend Arin.

Now to sum up my damn day.

-Bryans' sick today.
-He got me very worried.
-I almost met him.

Yes my cuppacake is sick with a fever of 38.2. He's better now though.
One more thing. I'm extremely addicted to online shopping. I'm spending lavishly it's almost crazy.
I need to stop and fast.

by the way, check out  http://dressabelle.livejournal.com
 

I met this boy. (:

I'm feeling alot more sober now. Much better than my last 48 hours. I've been feeling so bloated, hungry yet full, having constant headaches and giddy spells.
It's good to drink, but in moderation and not to binge drink, stuff like vodka, smirnoff, ginn, butterscoth, all that raws can really get you drunk fast when you drag em. Sadly it burns your throat so bad, you feel like vomiting even before you become high or dishevelled. But tell me, who can resist the temptation of baileys, it successfully gives you a high and it tastes nice as well. Like meltes ice-cream.
And again I say, who resists Bailey's?

When you're almost drunk, you start feeling frisky, nothing registers and you have no clue what is happenning. The alcohol hits you so hard! Like a punch in your face, close to knocking out.
You feel like throwing up, but nothing comes out, you feel like belching so badly. You didn't eat before you drank, so it makes things so bad. Sleep for four hours and then wake up to head home.

My day was fucked up, but Bryanboy made it better (:

On the 11th, Gerry and Bojan got married. Gerry is my godmother.
I was her bridesmaid. And while walking down the church aisle, I reliased that in a few minutes time, the woman i so greatly respected was going to taken away from me, but by a good man, which was slightly comforting though.

I sat down at the pews and watching her make her marriage vows was a very queer feeling. A lump started to form in my throat and stomach started to knot. Tears stung my eyes quite badly but i controlled bacuse there was alot of makeup decked on my face which i couldn't afford to let run.

The wedding dinner was great, performed with Luqman and Azli and it was great. Better than expected.Was supposed to go to butterfactory but it was too fucking crowded. So i headed to Gabriel's chalet.
And i never knew that getting wasted stictly on Bailey's could give you a fever, swollen lymph nodes, a cough and a 48 hour hangover.

Shit.

Bryan Keasberry has OCD.
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Go and catch the videos of 'Who's your daddy?' by benny benassi and 'Put your hands up for detroit' by Fedde Le Grand.
But warning girls, they make you want to be lesbian for a good ten minutes. Very tempting to watch consecutively.
Highly advised not to.

Why? Because I have experienced it. You just want to rip everything off your body, it's that influential.

Epic question. I was just speaking to Eric about this yesterday. It made him wonder why my email was lieyourlies. As you know, (--) (--) = (+).
So it's a negative and a negative togetther that makes a positive.

So back to topic, generally I find it harmless to tell white lies because the most obvious motive or intention of it is to basically cover up for mistakes. Yes and white lies are definitely okay to tell to avoid hurting a person's feelings. All that white lie is fine. Lying in small scale is perfectly normal. It is ultimately to protect one's interests.

I woke up on my bed today thinking what a bad sleep I have just expeienced. Still, I had to get out of bed to go to school. I shuffled to the toilet to bush my teeth and I thought, what could possibly be different about today, as compared to any other standard school day.
I reached school on time today, had the routine protocol of producing your thermometer before you enter the school to prove you had it and wouldn't lie about your temperature when there was a real temperature taking exercise.

Lessons went on as per normal. My N level oral English oral exams are held this Friday, and yes I am prepared and far from afraid.
There was an Oral skills workshop after school today, supposedly it improves our Oral skills and aids us in scoring better.
I scored 36 over 40 for my prelim Oral exam. I mean I could possibly improve on something now can't I?

I realised something today. No, correction, I re-realised it, if there ever was such a word. I've been speaking to that person for quite a while, and just as an accquaintance. We'd smile at each other in school and make goofy faces if we don't fabricate a nice-enough smile in time.
I got to know him through a large number of rehearsals held in lieu of my school's speech day. We were seated at the same table, and we just clicked and spoke to each other as if we'd known each other for aeons. And frankly, I've enjoyed those moments where I could speak to him freely, where i could spend about 4 hours talking to him and solely on something we'd both amicably agree on.

Sadly, speech day apprached and rehearsals were to be no longer held and the communication was really cut down by tenfold. I missed those times where we would speak. Lately, I've been noticing him and how his imperfections make him such a wonderful person. He may not be the best looking, surely not the best built, but it is in the heart where true beauty lies. And I've noticed what a gorgeous person he is, both in and out. I've noticed what a great friend he is and how his priority is to help others, an others-before-self guy. I guess as a head prefect, it is what is expected of him.

You're a gorgeous/wonderful/faithful/every good thing friend to everyone Leslie.
And you should stay that way, because that way, you make yourself even more beautiful than you could ever possibly shine.

 

<3


 

I was out with Denise and Dad today. We were at Mango boutique.

Two years back, when i initially got my star tattoo on my shoulder done, daddy was very angry, threw a large temper, like a child. Refused to talk to me for aeons. Denise actually talked him round, saying that he had tattoos as well, and a pretty large number at that. So he learnt  to accept it, came round.

Right, so we were at the mango boutique, daddy suddenly said, "Mei, your tattoo is so ugly."
Then I wanted to retort and say yes i regret and all that remorseful stuff, I also had to explain for the 100th time that i got it removed twice but it still wasn't out yet.
But on the contrary, he said, " Go get it touched up man, it mkaes you look like you had not enough money to complete it. I'll give you the money when you decide to go."

Oh well, thats why I love you Daddy (: